Yearning For Home
There are levels and layers to us and many are aware of the image of human psyche being likened to the iceberg floating on the ocean. The iceberg has a small part of it above the water and seen (conscious) and the majority of it is unseen under the ocean (unconscious). And so the journey and exploration of consciousness does have loads to do with getting to know the 'underwater' part of oneself, thus making it conscious and perceived.
The unconscious parts, although out of awareness, play a huge part in ones life and co-create the persons reality. It is just that these parts are out of awareness and out of reach to be able to make sense of them, engage them, transform them or have any choice in what they are up to. Different characters, emotions and feelings inhabit this space and all are part of yourself.
For those that are on the journey of realizing themselves as creators of their life, they often hear the sentence 'on one level you have chosen this and this'. At first it can feel hard or impossible to perceive those unconscious levels where such a choice is being made and where one can transform whatever is happening there and make different choices.
And yet as more and more consciousness is allowed and present in ones life, the more layers become visible and you have access to it. In this process you also continually mature so that by the time you reach another layer and level in yourself, you are ready and mature enough to deal with it. For each layer carries more self responsibility. This is the journey of a Master.
Every time you reach a new layer, new space of yourself, it can initially feel quite disorienting. You may for a while, loose the point of contact with your Soul, you have to find that point in this new space. The new spaces are normally much 'bigger', the dynamics and laws that govern this new space may be quite different, more expanded. This 'new space of oneself' also includes many new abilities, awareness and talents. What previously looked impossible and so it was, is now not only possible but must be utilized to fully engage yourself in this new space.
It can be easy to not notice that you have entered a new space at first, some people may not notice it at all. If the personality is very fixed on its habits, it can easily continue with the 'old' reality because remember, they create their own reality and so they continue on as if nothing changed. But the old stuff just doesn't work as well as it used to leading to frustration and all sorts of issues, could also be body issues.
It is best to allow the personality to become fluid and open so that it is ok with the new spaces, it is flexible enough to perceive. Then you can start to explore this new space of yourself. The play will reveal to you new tools, new abilities, new delights, new freedoms and so much more. And remember, each larger space of self, the new layer/level, also carries with it the responsibilities to own ones creatorship even more.
And so, you can take ownership of a level and layer before you are even aware of it. As a creator, you own that you indeed do create your own reality and you accept that at this moment, you may not quite perceive the ins and outs of a particular choice, but you are assured in yourself and at peace that sooner or later, the aha moment will be yours. This kind of perspective and ease with yourself, opens the doors for the experience; you sooner or later do walk into that particular space with your consciousness, you become aware of that that level and layer, you have that aha moment, that insight, that enlightening experience. And thus you know, you have experienced a new level, a new layer of yourself. It may take some time to explore this space and experience all the nuances and flavors of it, but now you know that you are in it. That you have expanded.
And so, from the human perspective, there is an important layer that is buried quite deeply inside the iceberg of self. The yearning of home.
The yearning is to a smaller or larger degree always present, but can often not be pinpointed. People tend to fill the yearning with all sorts of people interactions, things, experiences, perhaps addictions and much more. It is good to be so engrossed in the game of old Earth, in the game of separation, that all else is forgotten. For this has enabled incredible wisdom. But then comes the time when the voice of soul starts nudging the human and the awakening begins.
The unconscious yearning for something that I could not define, but felt I was missing, has taken me into the world. Then when I was in the world, I thought I was extremely homesick for my birth home. I was both. The yearning for home became louder and it was something that was poking me just below my conscious awareness with increasing intensity for couple of years. Something was poking me and I just could not scratch it because I could not reach it. I knew there was something missing, but could not pinpoint it exactly nor could I verbalize it. The poking got so uncomfortable and the feeling of it so compelling, that I had no choice but to open. The bud was ready to bloom.
It was only couple of years later that I became conscious of home layer. I remember it so well. I had spend a whole day in wilderness and was on the way back to the car. The sunset was about to begin and the floodgates opened. There was so much grief there, so much yearning to go home. I had no idea. I cried and cried, it was one of those deep grief moments. I was sitting down and feeling it all and the nature played with me. Wee co-created incredible layered and beautiful sunset (on the photo) that I found so incredibly beautiful at that time. The picture does not do it justice, the rays were covering the whole sky.
But that was just the start in exploring the layer of home. What it meant, what it didn't mean. How it changed. Initially I though that 'going home' spiritually meant that I have to leave my life. I wasn't very clear on what it meant but I gave myself time to explore. I came to realize that home was coming to me. Meaning that Soul was descending into physical world to embody with the Human self. That hole that felt so empty and hollow with yearning was actually a beautiful sacred chalice ready to receive and house the Soul. It poured itself in it and the feeling of wholeness, completeness became the new reality.
I realized that my life as a separated being was that of a halfling. Incomplete. The wholeness came to me, the human as I kept on allowing and allowing.
The experience of allowing the Soul to imbue me often felt very strange in those days, because the Soul is so different than what I had known as a human. Soul exists in timelessness, it does not know the limits of time and space. This is just one example.
It can be overwhelming at times and I often had those fabulous bouts of screaming: oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, wtf, wtf, wtf.... and all sorts of such things; in delight and craziness of becoming aware of this stuff. Of feeling it and experiencing it. Of experiencing myself as timeless, forever, of being boundless, of always existing. Of the incredible feeling of freedom and unconditional acceptance.
These experiences then followed by times of implementing this kind of awareness into daily life and that is not always without its challenges. It is exploration, trying out this and that, keeping what works, discarding what doesn't. Dealing with parts of self that were dismissive etc. Dealing with other peoples disbelief and much more.
I have truly become a Scientist of the New Energy.
Tapping into these experiences is exciting for sure, 'I'm gonna shit my pants' type of experiences for sure, but mainly it has to do with incredible feelings of relief, that falls over you. The feelings of homecoming. Feeling at home with oneself. Whole. Complete.
Honoring the parts that held the yearning, the longing until I was ready to receive Soul. The parts that knew something big was missing, something essential. Because as a Soul, I burred this knowing at certain levels, deep down, to make sure it never got lost or spoiled by the intensely seductive and all consuming game of duality of 3D Earth.
But the journey of the separated human is invaluable, it has incredible effect on 'home'. The home is changed, enriched and clarified by the experiences of Human journey into separation. The human experience harvests incredible wisdom and so the home as it was no longer is. The human journey contributes its own magnificent treasures to the home.
Being home in oneself is natural. Being timeless is natural. Being in communion with myself as Soul is natural. The feeling of completeness is also the reward, being at home with Self, in Self.
And what of that hat space, the empty space of yearning for home. It always was sacred...a sacred chalice for the Soul. A space within you that was empty and waiting for the Soul to pour itself in. Into you. Into its home.
Home is everywhere I Am.