Updated: Dec 30, 2020
The dance with one’s Soul includes many twists and turns. In general, the energies of these times ask a person to transition from being completely in the mind, identifying with their thinking, to connect with their heart and their feeling body. As civilisation, we have just experienced a period of complete identification with the thought only, uplifting the value of the mind above everything else. This disconnection from the heart and feeling body has brought humanity to the current situations with no way out. And so it is that the mind by itself does not have the solutions. Its limited views and so its limited solutions keep digging the hole deeper and deeper. It is not a coincidence, humanity is not a victim of circumstances but a creator of its paradigms. The current times are the direct result of collective choices that humanity has made, of the collective thinking and of what each person does within their every day.
That said, for many people these are the most amazing of times. The times of change. These people are discovering and turning to different solutions. Discovering their re-connection with their body, with their feelings and emotions, with the natural world. Many will stop there but there are others who are allowing the presence of their consciousness to permeate them and their reality.
In my life, I spent first few decades training myself to not feel, to stuff all the emotions into the unconscious underworld of my psyche. Don’t feel, don’t speak the emotions, don’t notice them. Then later a reversal happened where I had to reacquaint myself with my emotional body, feelings and with the experiences that were as current and alive but just buried deep within me...unacknowledged...un-felt…unloved.
There is no completion to the events from the past until they are fully felt, experienced in our feeling body, owned/integrated and then let go of. They stay stuck in our physical and emotional body. Unconscious but very much active in the persons’ life as they keep creating and re-creating the traumatic experiences as the pain and suffering is all they know.
The Earth includes a full spectrum of experience. From the most joyful to the most unimaginable pain and everything in between. By the time of adulthood, the person in our culture has been taught to rely solely on the thoughts and the mind. The disconnection from the presence of their whole self, the Soul, has been completed and so too has the ability to handle the intensities of experiences. The mind and thought can not bring emotional experiences to completion. Thinking about something or experiencing it are two vastly different things. Especially when it comes to traumatic experiences.
The use of ‘self-medication’ comes into play, including excessive consumption of numbing drugs like alcohol etc. So too does our society offer a plethora of prescribed pills and medications, to further suppress and numb the natural internal processes that would allow the person to mature in their dealings with their whole self and life experiences. It is not about blaming the medical professions that deal with this, as each of us is a co-creator and a participant in the system we created. It is about taking self-responsibility, about owning our own part in this grand game of life.
And so, no wisdom is created when a person is numb to themselves, and those caught in this cycle never get to learn from their experiences or learn to make different choices, because so much of themselves is closed to their awareness, closed to the light of consciousness.
The erroneous view of the ‘light of consciousness’ is then carried into so called spiritual journey, with the mistaken notion that only ‘light’ parts of ourselves are acceptable. The spiritual journey as it often was and still is in many communities, perpetuates the idea that some emotions, some parts of ourselves are acceptable and some are not. So many spiritual practices continue to supress on an even greater level the unaccepted parts and only ‘kindness’ and such behaviours and associated emotions are acceptable. There can be an even bigger persecution and suppression of those parts in the ‘spiritual’ community, creating a cults with a huge shadow of unexpressed, unacknowledged experiences, emotions, feelings and perceptions that continue the inner wounding. The unconscious parts keep on creating the darkness within those spaces, acting out their woundedness.
The ‘darkness’ is projected on the outer word where something ‘out there’ needs to be fixed and changed in the other in order to stop feeling the pressures and suffering that keep arising from within. The underlying belief is that if only things on the outside changed, if others changed and stopped the wounding behaviours, then all would be fine and the pain would stop. But that is not correct. Cos if all the people in the world changed but you yourself didn’t, you would still be suffering because of your inner structures.
So this is where the time of personal awakening comes in. When you realise that the abuser and the abused, the victim and perpetrator, both sides of the same coin, both of the same duality energy, are in your own inner world. It is there that the biggest battles are fought. The inner wars between the opposing parts rage on, wounding the human self, seemingly unreconcilable, until the light of consciousness permeates everything with its blessed forgiveness and self love.
Let’s look at ‘kindness’ for example. The mind mimics the real stuffs of the Soul, as mind is a valid part of whole self. But on its own, it can only mimic the attributes of the Soul filled life. So some things appear as a ‘good’ thing to do, ‘good’ way to be, and yet unconscious kindness is actually feeding and plugging into another person to extract energy. People who demand that another behave kind to them, are often feeding on and using that person and the demand for kindness is used to continue the breach of another persons’ boundaries. Kindness in 3D is often used to continue the enabling of toxic and abusive behaviours.
There is a valid reason for some to become kinder and become aware of others. There are many people that operate from ‘human selfishness’ with no consideration for another and using other people and other life forms. They need to become open and kind. Then there are other people that are too ‘kind’ and have no healthy boundaries. These two normally go hand in hand, one perpetuating, one enabling. Same energy, different sides of the same coin. None better than the other.
For example, patriarchy is a perfect example of this kind of toxic and abusive system. The person who’s boundaries are continually breached, naturally feels the anger and unexpressed rage. So the ‘kindest’ of people, who have not gone through awakening, are also people who have the most unexpressed rage, the most unexpressed anger in their shadow. On the surface they can appear the most kindest of people especially in public, but those closest to them know the ‘devil’ side of them. Many women who awaken, are first faced with these kinds of intense emotions within themselves that they never allowed themselves to acknowledge or feel. But they sure encounter them in their daily life in the ‘other’. The trick here is to realise and acknowledge, that yes, society deems these emotions, anger for example, as un-womanly, and does not allow space for its healthy expression.
And for many men, their shadow is filled with the un-manly emotions and feelings of gentleness, of surrender, of vulnerability. So they are faced with the inner patterns of oppressing and not allowing their own feminine parts to be fully present in their life.
The realisation and the ability to notice that you have internalised those tools of oppression are imperative. It is you yourself who internally stops, oppresses and devalues these emotions in yourself.
And right here is your point of empowerment. Right in this space where you are able to change your internal attitudes and behaviours into those of compassion and self love over time. Into patterns of inner safety, self respect and honour of self. You do that by allowing the presence, the light of consciousness, your Soul to permeate you. Bringing with it all the abilities, the insights and the knowledge on exactly how to do all this.
Those that have made the choice for realisation in this life, become aware of all of this on their journey. These are some of the most shocking realisations to accept, that so much of what was promoted as ‘good’ is actually part of the 3D game. And that oneself is the perpetrator of these patterns. Everything gets to be examined and redefined in the light of consciousness. When that blessed light is allowed in and then starts to permeate everything within you. Of course it is often a very unpleasant time also, because every supressed part gets revealed, gets to be felt, experienced and embraced.
This light of consciousness is fearless, is uncompromising in its compassion. It embraces everything, the so called light and the dark, as part of itself. It loves unconditionally even the most ‘gross’ parts, the parts that human self finds completely unacceptable. The light of consciousness honours the dark parts because it knows the service that these dark parts provide to the Self. The dark parts carry the most ‘unacceptable’ feelings, memories, pictures, emotions that the self has experienced, until such time when the person is ready to face them. It is not something that is done by the mind or the human self alone. The presence, the Soul self, is the one that is the light of consciousness. Its presence creates safety, it allows these parts to start coming home. To you. Out of unconsciousness into the conscious awareness and acceptance.
In the light of consciousness, they no longer co-create the unconscious life for you, the human, so that you keep feeling yourself the victim of life. Instead, you come into a relationship within yourself where you can see, where you have a choice as to which part you identify with. Where you have the real choice of what you want to create in your life. You are no longer afraid of your inner world, you don’t have to numb yourself, you don’t have to run from yourself. You still feel the whole spectrum of feelings, more so then ever. Because you are more alive than ever. More present. But on this journey, you have come to a maturity within yourself, and you can easily handle even the most intense of emotions and energies. Yes there is a preference as to what you want to experience, there is a clear and sharp discernment, but that is a vastly different thing than judgement and oppression. You can allow the uncomfortable energies that you don’t want to manifest, just to flow through you into neutral. You expand into a Master.
There are many twists and turns for those who chose the realisation in this lifetime. One of the stages is a time of honeymoon, where you and you are in a wonderful place. Where it feels like you have arrived. This can last for a long time, few years. Then comes the next stage and it can feel like a crash. Some call it the time of the dragon, because it is the time where the deepest of emotions and parts of self are felt. During the honeymoon period, enough trust and skills have been developed between the Human and Soul self in order to be ready for this period, when the deepest wounds, emotions and experiences can be dealt with.
When this time comes, the person can start feeling like a failure, like they are doing something wrong. It can feel like nothing was achieved in the last few years. Like you are failing in this mastery game. You were just in a space where you thought you made it to the ‘I am the creator of my own fabulous life’. Then things can change in one day and the dragon arrives.
It is not a pleasant time for sure. For me it lasted for about 2.5 years after about 3 years of honeymoon period. Saying this, not all of it is challenge, it is an amazing period at the same time. Because by that time of the dragon, I was already playing in multi D, had strong awareness of inner processes, of the Triad – the Human Self, the individuated Soul Self and the Eternal Self. I could commune with the Soul and allow her clearly and in my daily life. But there was much still to realise and to integrate.
The time of the dragon included amazing discoveries, experiences, expansions and so much more that the words can describe. At the same time, I was faced with the deepest feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, powerlessness and so many of these kinds of feelings that I didn’t think I could ever feel and survive. But I kept going and kept allowing and kept feeling. All. The frustrations, the anger, the rage. It is amazing how much safe space the Soul self creates and never, not even once was I in any danger. The Soul intimately knows your life, your human schedules, your responsibilities. Even though to the Human self it can appear that it is all falling apart…well the old is crumbling as it should…the Soul self has this.
When I look back I am amazed of how much grace, ease, safety and help there actually was in my life during the dragon time, even though at that time it did not appear so to my Human self.
And yes all these emotions and feelings do have an ending, when you fearlessly or with fear, dive into them and feel them and allow them, they come to an end. You get through this. At times during your integration process your wounded heart hurts like hell, body hurts like hell, shakes and trashes around, and you feel like a truck has run over you. In the safety and privacy of your space. At the same time, you can have enormous amounts of energy that is released from those dark spaces. The most important thing is to realise that this time is not a time of failure, of guilt or shame. These last ones are all part of the blockages, they don’t assist you at all and so keep choosing to step out of them. Keep choosing love, keep choosi