Updated: Dec 30, 2020
She looked around her house satisfied that everything was ready. She had been preparing and cleaning the house for days. The fresh flowers were in the vase, the cookies ready. She could smell the scents of essential oils in the air. The coffee was brewing on the stove.
It startled her when she heard the knock on the door. Final glance in the mirror and then she excitedly opened the door. She could not see the visitor clearly but she could feel it. The feeling was so familiar, it reminded her of home, of forgotten magical moments that she was not even sure that they ever happened.
She invited the visitor in and poured the coffee. She noticed how everything seemed more vivid, the colours were brighter, the scents were stronger. The coffee scent permeated every cell of her body and she deligted in the pleasure of her senses.
She sat down at the table and they started chatting. She talked about the weather, about other people and about the state of the world. The visitor was mostly silent. The time didn't seem to matter and she felt wonderful. She was fascinated with her visitor and admired the faint glow that emanated from the soul.
The soul started looking around the room and noticed the thick carpets over the floor. They had many large bumps as if somebody hid things under them. It noticed many doors around the room but all of them were closed, covered with heavy padlocks.
She, on the other hand, seemed not to notice any of this. She got up and walked to the stove to top up the coffee and didn't trip on any of the bumps. As if she was so used to them that they were not conscious any more.
Should she ask the question now, she though. Dear soul, she said, how do I be happy?
The soul looked at her and quietly asked, can I have a look around the house? Yes of course, she replied, but stay in this room only.
The soul got up and walked around the room, looking at everything closely. She followed the soul with her eyes and then jumped up in surprise. The glow from her visitor illuminated the room and she was startled to notice that her house, her familiar house that earlier looked so polished and shiny, was now appearing old and small. There were cobwebs in the corners, the furniture looked shabby, worn and dark. There were many cracks in the walls and for the first time, she noticed the bumps under the carpets and the heavily padlocked doors. How did she not see them before, she wondered. Who swept things under the carpet and who locked the doors? She could not remember doing it. She didn't even know that her house had so many doors. Her house has become a stranger to her.
The soul quietly asked, can we lift one of the carpets and look at the bump that is there? She said yes of course. She wasn't sure if she really wanted to because she felt afraid of what might be under there. But it is not polite to say no to a visitor so she walked towards the soul. She noticed her own movements, how awkward they were. What is happening, she thought. Then she saw the faint cords that were exiting her body and tying her to every bump in the carpet and every padlocked door. They were restricting her movement and made her body feel sluggish and uncomfortable. It was how she always felt, restricted and uncomfortable, but could not figure out why. She was never able to see the cords before. Where did these come from, she wondered.
She had no time to explore the cords though, because it is not polite to keep visitors waiting. She bent over and with the help of the soul they lifted the carpet. There it was, a big pile of stuff. At first she was worried about her visitor, what is the soul going to think of her. Maybe it will think she is a bad housekeeper. She took a glance at the souls eyes and was relieved that she did not see any judgements there. She felt acceptance, support and patience.
She started removing the different bits and pieces from the pile, some were sharp and heavy. Her hands shook with fear but the soul put its hands over hers and they moved the debris together. She cut her finger on the sharp debris and she started crying. So many confusing emotions were racing through her. The soul touched her bleeding finger, it felt like it was enveloped in a cool healing balm and it stopped bleeding. So they kept going.
She wondered what was underneath all of this, it must be some bad and ugly thing to be buried so well. And then she saw it, she recognised it and remembered when she buried it a very long time ago. It was a small and delicate flower with white petals and red centre. It looked as fresh and bright as the spring flowers that have just opened up to the warm sun. She picked it up gently and held it to her heart. Ah, so here you are, I thought I lost you long ago. I hid you because I thought you were too soft and gentle for this harsh world. I thought you would get trampled on and your petals plucked off. I buried you to keep you safe but I missed you terribly.
Is it safe, is it safe now, she asked the soul. Yes, said the soul, yes if you so choose. I choose, she said. The cord to the uncovered pile started dissolving. The flower transformed into a shimmering light. She took a deep breath and could feel the light, the flower, infuse into her body. And she felt at peace.
Is this how I be happy, she asked the soul. Soul said, yes for now, but all the piles will have to be cleared and all the doors opened. Will it hurt, she asked. Yes at times, said the soul, but I will be with you if you choose. I can move in your house and live with you if you so choose, added the soul.
She looked at the piles and the padlocked doors, she could see most of them clearly now. She felt fear and trepidation, and all sorts of dark possibilities went through her mind. Images of monsters and terrible things that may be hiding behind the padlocked doors, deep in the dungeons of her house. And for a moment she worried that the soul might find her house too small and shabby to live in.
Then she felt the nudge from her heart, the feelings of such wonders, open spaces and magical places swept through her. And courage. She knew what she wanted. She turned to the soul and said, yes I do. I do choose. She took the extended hand of her soul and squeezed it tightly. She knew she will never be alone again.