I have always loved very deeply in all different ways and very often, for me to love has been one of the most difficult of experiences. The challenges started when I was growing up and many of the adults around me were making very self destructive choices. There was no internet then, there were no books or accessible information on alternative ways of beings, and the attitudes were so different.
I was confused with all the different messages I was receiving about love and also how love is supposed to be demonstrated to others. My role within my immediate family was to be the responsible one and the perpetual rescuer. Whether other family members liked to be rescued or not. What happens when your loved ones are making different choices, possibly even painful choices, limited choices, choices that involve same old patterns.
It would mean a life of putting my needs last, the constant frustration of interfering with other peoples lives and choices and also the frustration that comes with trying to change others to fit my own believes about how they should live. And anger when they did not follow my ideas about what they should be doing. I made different choices and I did not take on this role. This meant that I had to examine all that I was taught about love and caring. What it means and what it doesn't mean.
It took me many years to resolve and find different ways of dealing with these dilemmas. It required of me to examine and change many belief systems. To even appear selfish to others that have perhaps not dealt with this in depth. The duty and obligation would say that nobody who loves is allowed to enjoy their life as long as the loved ones are in pain. This would not be so bad if it was a short term pain but what happens if it is a lifelong obligation with no solution in sight?
Would my emotions of feeling miserable, guilty and obliged actually helped anybody. Does me putting myself down help anybody? Does me feel guilty help anybody? Or are these emotions completely useless to feel and I could let hem go.
I chose to create a life that is satisfying to me regardless of what others are choosing. I chose to respect other peoples choices, set them free and love. I am available for assistance and advise if they choose, if how I live appeals to them. I chose to help or get involved only when others ask and are ready for change. I don't compromise my own well being though. And I definitely chose not to support painful patterns that lead nowhere.
I apply the same approach to the wider issues of humanity. These skills are very pertinent because we daily observe the different lives of others from around the world. And some would say that many are victims and not able to make changes. At the same time, and I experienced this with myself, I carried all the limited patterns within me. I carried all the energies of victimhood within me and my life around me did not change until I set those free.
The ability to step back and allow others to make choices and to live what they choose is and will be more and more important for the health and well being as the world continues experiencing tremendous changes. It is one of the hardest thing for a human to do, especially when it comes to the loved ones. Or humanity in general. Can you love and step back, and love even more because your love is free and not based on conditions. Yours or theirs.
Can the emotions of guilt and obligation be released, is the world going to fall apart if I stop feeling them? Can I be the example of the life that is possible rather than keep playing in the mud with others out of empathy? Does this actually help anybody to get out or does it just reinforce the same old games? Is my time well spent by trying to rescue one who is not choosing to step out?
Just some questions to perhaps play with. Or not.