The dance of Yes and No

Two short words. Deceptively simple words that make a huge difference to the interaction with the world.

Many people are not aware of how they use these words and of the impact that has on their lives.

Yes is often said from a place of habit, out of fear or to please others. Saying yes in this way creates a lot of stress and unhappiness in life. It makes us feel powerless. We are taught to say yes to a lot of things that are not for our own benefit. We say yes to please, to stay in good favour, to keep peace, especially within the family and this is true for a lot of women. We say yes because 'authority is always right' and somebody else always seems to be in authority over us and knows what is best for us. We say yes because we are taught that saying no is rude and hurts other peoples feelings. We are to disregard the hurt feelings created on the inside of our own self, as long as the other is happy. We say yes to keep the society working and the culture strong. Because it is our duty. We are to support the structures of the culture and society even if they are designed to keep us small.


No can also be used out of habit and the lack of awareness. We say no to new opportunities because they are outside of our normal patterns. We say no out of fear of change and of doing things differently. We say no to please others and to keep ourselves small. We say no to new options because we are not the right age, not the right shape, not the right gender... We say no because we feel that we are not worthy of better things in life. A lot of doors can stay closed because our no has prevented us from taking a new path, a new choice.

Yes is a wonderful tool when we mean it. It can create new experiences and new adventures. Saying yes in a new way will bring change when it welcomes new people, new choices and new pathways that make the heart sing and create excitement about life.

No does wonders to our self esteem when we say no to being used. No to things that hurt us and break our heart. No to things that devalue us, undermine us and make us feel powerless. No to what damages our bodies, our living environment.

The same old patterns will keep repeating if you keep doing things in the same habitual way. And that is great if you are happy with the way things are in your life. You will keep getting the same results. But if you want the change, you can initiate it by simply becoming aware of how you use your yes and your no.

The change may feel uncomfortable at first and it may be helpful to start with small steps. The small yes and the small no. And notice the difference in how you feel when you do them. The new feelings will encourage you to a bigger yes and a bigger no.

Experiment. Play. And sooner rather than later, you will wonder why it all seemed so hard before.

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