I chose to traverse the inner landscapes by immersing myself into the ancient Australian land which has facilitated my inner adventures in more ways than I can describe. I would like to share a story from my diary which I wrote in 2014, visiting one of my favourite places. Certain locations call me over and over again and the location of this particular experience is an ancient volcano, which has been quiet for about 200 million years. It is located in the Outback far from any towns. You can walk up its slope and around the rim. There is a windy bench at the highest point of the rim in the shade of the Kurrajong tree.
The language may not be grammatically correct because I journal with feelings rather than from the mind. Nature communicates through feelings and so does the majority of me. I also made some additions to explain and expand upon the context to help with the understanding of the story.
I am journeying with my dark angel Into her parts of myself They are the loveless landscapes That is why it is dark there To walk them and to feel them With open eyes It takes the unflinching intensity That of compassion That is unafraid The light angel is fearless And so we dare We tread where once was devastation Sprinkling everything with love so fierce The dark angel is untamed and wild But is impressed with love so passionate And so persistent It starts to trust that no cages will be built
Who is light, who is dark It does not matter
I revel in this freedom to explore myself Outside of the boundaries of mind There is no end to us We roll around and immemerse ourselves in this freedom Like the kids playing in the mud Laughing with joy like only they know how to do.
I have arrived. The long drive has been beautiful, the mass consciousness left behind. The mind has not been willing to let it go yet but is ok with chattering away in the background. I spend a whole week hiding in the mind, as soon as I started feeling the tight ball of energy in solar plexus. The breath has been so shallow and no feeling of safety to be had.
But here I am the Ancient ones, I've heard your voices as soon as I turned off the main road. I missed you and your song, so inviting, so caressing. So encouraging.
I can smell the eucalyptus and its blooms as soon as I step out of the car, the sweet nectar is permeating the air. I'm feeling more present now. Are we there yet, says the mind. I feel the thin layer of the dust on my skin, it feels like the caress of the land. Who is gonna clean that off, says the mind. The pesky sand and the rough road may have damaged our car, says the mind. The crunch of the red sand under my feet makes me feel at home and I start the ascend to the rim. The trees greet me, the grass lining the path so green and tall after the heavy rains. The crickets and cicadas song is piercing the ears. At times I can barely hear anything else. And yet there is silence all around me, I start to feel the eternity as I walk the slope. The sweat starts to pour making my hair wet under the hat. I'm hot says the mind, do we have to do this? I stop to feel the trees, basking in their energy under their canopy. Each has its own scent. I marvel at their new leaves so green and fresh, and beautiful tiny blooms that are not shy to show off. I take some photos of the creatures that are feasting on the nectar.
I keep walking up to the rim. I am grateful for the clouds and the shade they provide. The Ancient ones you are so loud here, I can hear the beat of your song, the vibration of didgeridoo. In this silence. Your voices so velvety, caressing, stroking my inner parts. Feelings of safety, of home. My energy and awareness are expanding but the breath is still not deep. I enjoy every step I take on the rim, as the path keeps changing from red soil to black volcanic rock and back again. I can hear the Currawong birds chatting away in the distance, there is a Magpie too. She is not displeased with me today.
Are we there yet, says the mind. I keep stopping at trees admiring butterflies and noticing the variety of creatures. There is always a new one to discover.
The vista from the top always takes my breath away. I feel the space, the endless expansion of glorious space, where elements play to their hearts content. I can see the carpet of trees covering the land past the horizon, intercepted by the darker growth following the flow of sunken lava tubes. Like veins of the land. My energy keeps expanding and the awareness shoots out like a hologram with its feelers. I greet you the wind, I like walking this path where you play with trees making them look like they had too much to drink. I love feeling your sweet caress on my body, on my skin. Playing with my hair. Who's gonna catch the hat when it flies off our head, says the mind. I walk slowly drinking everything in. Are we there yet, says the mind.
I can feel the hard ball in my solar plexus starting to move. Are we there yet, says the mind. I start thinking of what I have to do when I return home, making lists in my mind. Hello Eagle, I was distracted and I nearly walked right by you. I can not see your partner, oh wait there she is. Effortlessly gliding in circles looking for her meal. Can I blend and fly with you? I soar the open skies with no care for anything else. Listening to the wind gliding by the wings effortlessly carrying me in its embrace. Are we there yet says, the mind. I awake with the start and continue along the path. Here you are the bench, I was looking forward to taking a rest on you, to breathe with the wind. I lay down on the bench using the backpack as a pillow. The bench is short to fit my legs and they end up dangling in space. The Kurrajong tree is in flower with bright red blooms and the new leaf growth is offering a pleasant shade from the hot sun that periodically peeks through the clouds. I spend time listening to the rustling of the Wallaby family as they feed on the slopes. They are out early because of the overcast weather.
Finally the deep breath comes. The first deep breaths are tentative, but reaching the ball, breathing through its tight knots. Are we there yet says, the mind. Breathe with me wind. The gusts start to coincide with the deepest of my breaths. I breath with you life.
The ball of energy in my stomach starts uncoiling like a serpent. I allow the body to move with its movements feeling the betrayal that was hiding there. The wind swooshes in gusts rustling the leaves, breathing with me. I loose the sense of time. The pain surges through my body but I am surrendered to life and its movement is free. It is so intense but feels very quick after lifetimes of carrying it packed away. And it is gone, free at last, loosing its grip, its fears unrealized. The sense of relief comes over me and the deep breath, how precious this freedom to breathe so deeply. So strongly.
The intensity of my surroundings nearly overwhelms me. I am present. In my body. There is no thought of tomorrow. The past does not exist. I watch the clouds for what feels like hours, they change the shapes just to amuse me. The Friar birds have visited the red Kurrajong tree flowers a few times already before I start moving and get up. I can feel the vibrations of millions upon millions of insects that are singing their flight songs. So pleasurable. The scents are mesmerizing, enticing me to take another slow and deep breath. And another and another.
The vista to the side is beautiful, the skies have opened and the light pours down from the heavens. I could stay here forever. Doing this. Experiencing this. Being.
Oh this read earth, the trees, the air. So fresh, so clear, the dancing sparkles reflecting from the leaves, the spiders webs. The grass swaying in the air. The feelings of well being like waves moving through my body. Through the parts that are now raw and open, new to these kinds of feelings. I am acutely aware and hearing the song of the space. How immediate, how grand each breath. My awareness enters the Earth and I feel myself flying around in space, this gigantic ball of molten lava. Passionate and alive. What a journey it has been so far.